Lately I have no desire to really push teaching. Part of me wants to leave never to return. That part could care less about ever teaching again. She is bored, overworked, and over it. But the other side misses it. The moving, the sharing, and the practice. But that side is also afraid to just fucking move on! Nothing in my life has been more reliable than yoga. But “Yoga” is not teaching. Teaching has been my career. Teaching has been my business. My love for the business feels more like your old pair of jeans, they use to be your favorite but now the holes are just too much. With the new wave of instant teachers, popularity contests and the circus acts to show how far I can push my body, I don’t really want to play on any of those teams so I figured I’d better jump off now while I still have a chance.
But the question remains what will happen if Yoga and I break up? I have no fucking clue! As I sat and really asked myself the question I started talking to the “afraid Briana” and the “I don’t give a fuck Briana” and I realized we all want the same thing! First, breaking up is silly! We would never stop seeing each other, our relationship would just be different. Instead of performing Yoga as I taught, I could just go back to enjoying it. Loving it. Playing with the practice. As a business, Yoga got serious, there is no room for play because clients and responsibilities are real. Going back to just me and yoga we can get dirty again. No commitments, just want-to’s. Second, I could move past the watchful eye of being perfect. Modern day Yoga is not about just sharing the love, it is a numbers game. Numbers matter. Asses in the studio matters. Exposure matters. By leaving the business of Yoga I make room for the peace to settle in. Third, the current state of the world leaves many more questions than answers. Who knows what the fitness industry will look like in year? Who knows what people will be comfortable with? The idea of a virtual studio makes my stomach turn, and self-torture is just silly, besides, I’m not interested in waiting around to find out what is going to happen. I have made peace with asking myself some of these extremely hard questions.
No matter what your career was before March 2020, lately you have had to ask yourself some uncomfortable questions about what is next. I cannot tell you what will happen or even if you need the change, but I do know asking myself these questions has opened my eyes to the fact that I was just grinding on. That I had lost the idea that my career and business could be fun again. I have shared the questions I asked myself for weeks and I would suggest if you are feeling stuck or simply confused maybe they will help you as well.
1. What does success look like to me?
2. Have I reached the ‘success line’ in my current career or do I keep moving it?
3. Is your current career still your passion?
4. If you could do something different would you?
5. Is fear your biggest anchor?
Really try to answer the questions truthfully. Do not be afraid to have a real heart to heart with yourself. No one is grading this. Growth requires digging, rooting, attaching, reaching, rising, and then blooming. There is a lot of under belly work required before you become a beautiful damn flower. But remember not everything grows, some get root rot, so don’t hold yourself hostage because something didn’t pan out. If one good thing comes out of this very strange year, I hope it is that you really become who you think you are. I know plenty of us thought we could handle change and move with the flow with ease. Being slapped in the face with a ‘hell no’ is surprising, but you can still be great! You can start now. We are moving through life phases, and just like the moon, all we can do is show up, be honest, and breathe. It is completely okay to want something different without any explanation. Guess what: you do not need permission to grow! So, grow,
even if it is a slow new start… you got this!