Fuck you Mercury and your Retrograde


That is the nice way of saying how I feel inside. The last two weeks of my life have been an utter disaster to say the least. Anything and everything that could go wrong, has and still continues to happen. Even the small things I enjoy on a regular day has become a complete mess. I know you’re thinking it can’t be that bad, but it has been. My phone just died on me, and then my purse dropped on the ground and the now dead phone crashed on the floor and has a shattered screen. A 45-minute yoga class I’ve been editing (anyone who edits videos knows a 45-minute video can easily take 14-hours) for 5 days just disappeared off my computer. Just gone! Our cars also jumped on the madness as well, one car was hit by a drunk driver right in front of the house. My basement floods, my washer is leaking and my coffee just spilled all over the kitchen floor as I type. And that is just a few. I woke up this morning and felt a feeling of relief because it was ugly and gloomy, it reflected my mood and that was reassuring. I’m not blaming anyone and don’t even want any sympathy, I just want the universe to chill for a while. But that would be asking a lot when she is also dealing with her own issues: Mercury Retrograde.


Mercury Retrograde Dates for 2016 –

August 30th – September 23rd

December 16th – January 8th, 2017



Mercury is not the only planet in our universe to go through Retrograde, but it is the planet that has the biggest effect on us little humans in a pretty uniformed way. It doesn’t matter if you believe or not; the effects are very real and very noticeable.

So what is Retrograde? Simply put the planet is taking a nap. That nap happens to look like its spinning backwards. Scientists will tell you the planet doesn’t actually spin backwards, but it does spin in a different pattern than usual. Because Mercury has a shorter trip around the Sun than Earth (About three or four times a year, Mercury speeds past Earth, and that is when we experience a Mercury retrograde period) we are hit with the retrograde experience. The wonderful Mercury is a big deal to us because Mercury rules all types of communication, from listening, to speaking, learning, reading, editing, researching, negotiating, selling, and buying. Mercury also rules all formal contracts, agreements, as well as important written documents like your book manuscripts, term papers, deeds, leases, and even wills. Scary right? No, there is more: think about the actual concept of communication and how we as the digital age communicate. Technology! So that means Mercury controls your cell phone, all your text (even the drunk ones!) your emails, your computer, you voice messages, not to mention the communicating we do non verbally. It would be wonderful if while Mercury takes her much needed nap, that we too could just shut down, and pick up where we left off in 3 weeks. But that’s not how our lives work. So we must live through this crazy time with no help from the planet that literally controls us. I am not an expert at this and like I said earlier in my post I’ve pretty much lost it already and we are just days in to the 3rd Retrograde of 2016. But here are some pointers to remember while we try and stay sane through Mercury’s naptime.


Things you shouldn’t do!

1. Don’t take things personally (lol…. lmao). No really just take things with a grain of salt. Folks will say offensive things and may not even remember saying them 2 minutes later. Our thinking is in a fog like state, because our communication helper is napping. We are all a bit confused, so just chill when you can. Don’t react to anything that seems completely out of the ordinary because once Mercury goes back direct most people will come back too.

2. This is not a great time to do anything involving communications, such as launching a new magazine, website, or an advertising campaign. If you have a current business doing these things just stay where you are. While maintenance is great, change is not suggested.

3. Do not sign any contracts or even shake hands on any new agreements. Do not close on a house during this time nor sign a lease. Verbal agreements are considered the same as written ones. Mercury makes our environment very fluid and changeable, no matter what you are told or what you think, it won’t be the same in 3 weeks.

4. Back up your data! Back up your data! Back up your data! All your data! Numbers! Contacts!

5. Don’t purchase any big ticket items, because they will often have flaws or issues that you weren’t aware of! Of course our life can’t halt because Mercury is retrograding but if you need to get a new iPhone (like I do) or car, reread the contract 15xs and then have another person do the same thing.  

6. If you don’t have to travel… Don’t! More than likely your flight will be delayed, baggage lost, wrong flight, wrong seat, etc. Just stay put.

7. Don’t reconnect with an old flame. Retrograde runs havoc on our communication so current relationships may seem horrible because the lines are blurred. This send some folks running to the past because we know how that worked out. But don’t! It’s over for a reason. Mercury is a trickster so illusions of grandeur are highlighted.

I’m am not suggesting you completely put your life on hold during Retrograde, but I am saying think eight times before doing anything. Rule of Retrograde (just like Murphy’s law) is anything that can go wrong, will. Maybe it won’t be an instant reaction but it can pop up a few months later. I’m sure if you go back to the last Retrograde (April 28 – May 22, 2016 in earth-sign Taurus) and think about a deal, decision, or finalization of some major account you’ll see today it’s not where you thought it would be.



Things you should do!

1. Pay attention to the element Retrograde is taking place in. Retrograde always favors a particular astrology element (Fire, Water, Air, Earth). This Retrograde happens to fall in – Virgo which is an Earth sign. Earth is solid, not easily moved, or changed, so be very realistic about finding a solution, and strictly obey your limits of time and budget. Money often plays a big part of both the problem and the answer when Mercury is retrograde.

2. Jump head first into unfinished business! That big idea you’ve had on the back burner for the last year… finish it! That book you’ve been writing for the last 10 years… reread it. You might be re-inspired.

3. Reminisce with friends about the good times. Retrograde is a great time to enjoy people you love, because you already know where they stand. And if they say or do something crazy you know that it would be totally random, and therefor won’t take anything personal.

4. Smile! Shit might get crazy. But you still have to keep going, because quitting isn’t an option. (I’m literally repeating this to myself every 5 minutes) Breathe ---



In closing, try to take it easy during this period. If you can limit your communication, do it! Maybe respond to less emails, and texts. Take time for yourself. Enjoy longer mornings in bed, write down your crazy thoughts, and don’t share them until after Retrograde is over. You might realize that you don’t even feel like that. Meditate. Seriously. Just sit still, and reflect on your presence in this vast world, and how your energy is being received. If we can learn anything from this wonderfully weird madness it’s that sometimes it’s great to just be.

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