No one ever tells you how lonely it is when you are deemed the “Healer”. No one says to you this gift is for nurturing others who are broken, but you must heal yourself. There will be no recovery team for your needs. You are here for “them”; you are here to feel their pain, and encourage growth through their hurts. I’ve been a healer, fixer, listener, guide, friend, mother figure, Captain Save -A- Hoe, and more since I can remember. The older I get more broken people are seemingly attracted to me. Most of the time I don’t mind. I love seeing people bloom! I love someone coming with heavy spirits and then leaving my space feeling blessed. Someone once told me I’m so rich in life, and I laughed. I replied I wish I could cash some in. I’d love a vacation! But recently I haven’t wanted to share any part of myself. None! I have felt heavy, over worked, under- appreciated, and trapped. (Side note: I’m a Pisces who never stays still, so the slightest notion that I must stay put freaks me out.) The daily grind of life is not my idea of life, and sometimes it’s hard to play by the rules, especially when you never intended to be a part of the game.
We all have lots of jobs to do on a regular basis (especially as a woman) : cooking, working, cleaning, driving carpool, washing, sex robot, PTA Captain, team mom, house accountant, and then there’s the extras like running your own business, traveling for business, blogging, teaching yoga, reading tarot cards, recording videos, supporting other women, and etc. So on any given day you might accomplish 15 things off an endless to do list making you feel completely depleted. If you are like me, you rarely tell folks what’s happening, because let’s just be honest; most people don’t listen. They could care less about how you feel, most people just want to give you their options and inputs. No one ever just listens anymore. If you are given the “healer” position most people think nothing ever goes wrong in your life. “You’ve got it all together”, don’t you? I remember one of my clients ran into me in Whole Foods and she looked shocked. She said; ‘Oh my God, I didn’t know you grocery shopped?!’ “Like, umm, I’m human and have 3 kids, they gotta eat, which means I gotta shop.” After I said it, she looked a bit silly in the face, and said,” Yeah, I guess I just thought of you as like… I don’t know, not like me.” I assured her, I was just like her. A mother, wife, friend, sister, horrible budgeter, and always late. But that encounter made me think about what people see me as (or any healer as): not relatable. And maybe that’s why when I express problems, or frustration most folks just don’t listen. So I’ve learned to cope with the everyday madness in my own special way. And me being me, I thought I’d share my tricks because maybe they will help you to.
1. Journal — My journal has been my saving grace since I was 11yrs old. It knows everything, every feeling, every secret, and every disappointment. I find it very therapeutic to write a letter to the part of myself that’s feeling stuck or unhappy. I always start the lettering saying:
A. Dear Self, I know how you feel. I acknowledge your current pain and I want you to know I love you! No matter how you feel right now; the sun will shine tomorrow and this will be history. But please, share your feelings with me now, so we can move on. After that introduction really express how you feel. Get it all out! Then close the book.
2. Take a Nap — No, seriously, a good nap allows you much needed alone time. In addition, sleeping is a benefit to the body and nervous system. It’s proven that sleep reduces stress, improves your memory, makes you more alert when awake, and reduces inflammation. I’ve never heard anyone say… ‘oh that nap sucked.’ So go find a nice quite place and lay down, let the Sand Man take you away.
3. Meditate — I try to find my meditation practice everyday. Even if it’s just 1 minute of controlled breathing, but I’d suggest at least a 5 minute meditation practice when you are feeling overwhelmed. A fairly easy meditation practice is sitting crossed legged on the floor, with your back supported by a wall. Find an object that you find relaxing or refreshing (I use a candle or a crystal) and stare at the object as long as you can without blinking. Really focus on not blinking, not moving any other part of your body while keeping a controlled gaze, and remember to breathe. Once you’ve blinked, close your eyes, and try to envision that object. Try to stare at the object as long as you can in your mind. Once you’ve really focused on the object try holding the object with your hands only in your mind. One day you will pick up the object without ever moving. Open your eyes my friend, and smile. You’ve just mediated!
4. Scream — If you have the benefit of living out and away from folks, go outside and just let it go! SCREAM until your voice cracks! Scream until you start to laugh, because you are outside screaming and it’ll felt amazing! If you don’t have the luxury of outdoor screaming, I’d suggest the car. Go in your garage, or just close the doors, and let it rip. It is so refreshing first to just hear yourself really let go, and make your presence known to the universe. (I read an article about Primal Therapy once and it was all about the benefits of screaming)
5. Dance — Movement is the voice of the soul. It is the beautiful dance no one can control, but only witness. I dance often. Alone, with my kids, in the shower, under the moon, really anytime I feel the need. But dancing is a great release of built- up stress or tension. Dancing improves the way your brain fires off instructions, in addition to improved mood, blood flow, calorie burning, and more. So put on your favorite tune and go for it. Dance like no one is watching because even if they are, you might inspire them to do the same.
Let me be the first to say, this list isn’t for everyone. You may need more and if you do never be afraid to go and seek more help and support. Society has made living harder by requiring more output (physically & emotionally) and less input is happening. Find time for yourself, and refill your glass first! There is nothing selfish about putting your needs first. As a “Healer” you must be at 115% to be able to listen, care for, and help heal others. Don’t wait until you are running on fumes to refill the tank.
From one healer to another… Your gift is a sheer blessing. You are valued. You are loved. You are appreciated. Your presence is needed here, and the stars will reward you. You are a light that leads others from the darkness, and if no one else tells you I bow to your grace. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
LOVE, LIGHT, & MAGIC